THE SAMOAN MOTHER: The Stalker

THE SAMOAN MOTHER PART 2

Yesterday I had a Psycho-Samoan-Mother moment which I am not proud of.  I can’t stop thinking about it without feeling really valea and Im sooo embarrassed about it so hopefully this post will help me get it off my chest so I can be set free lol.

Yesterday’s episode is actually a by-product of when my 12yo son (Myah) attended a 13th birthday party 2 weekends ago.  He was invited to his friend’s house to celebrate with a few of their classmates.  When he came home with the invitation I said “sorry son, this is on a Saturday I don’t want you to go to some stranger’s house.  You can’t go”.  This was the first birthday party since he became a high-school student.  Of course he was disappointed but I had to explain to him that this is his first year at high school and I haven’t met any of his friends’ parents.  I was so scared of letting him attend.  All I could picture was me dropping my son off to some dodgy-looking house, meeting the birthday boy’s dodgy-looking parents and seeing dodgy-looking relatives sitting around the garage while there was a young teen’s party on. (Did I tell you I’m super-paranoid?)  So my final word to Myah was “I’ll talk to your dad”.  It was a cop out I know…..

I spoke to hubby about it and was shocked at his “why not? let the kama go to the party”  Seriously…I was like “say whaaat?”.  Apparently letting Myah go to his friend’s party was good for him and that it would give us a chance to meet other parents. (Did I also tell you that Im a bit anti-social?).  My arguments as to why he couldn’t go sounded really dumb especially since we hadn’t met the family and I was already judging them.  So the boy was going.

It was the week coming up to the party and I was really nervous.  I kept looking at the paper invitation scanning the party details for anything that would give me a clue as what kind of party he was going to.  I started to text Myah’s RSVP to the birthday boy’s mother and had to edit and re-edit my texts:  “Hi! Thanks for inviting my son to your son’s bday party.  I trust that it will be safe? No drunken idiots will be present?”  which I changed to “….Will there be alcohol present? Does anyone in your family have a drug problem? Do you know CPR?”  Everytime I composed a text, it just sounded like I was a stuck-up/snobby/righteous mother (time will tell) so I settled for a polite RSVP message with no mention of whether or not my boy would be safe.  At the time, it just felt wrong to question another mother’s ability to keep a group of young teenagers safe…but oh it killed me to not ask the obvious questions!

Saturday night arrived and we planned that we would take the other kids out to the movies while Myah attended the party.  So off we went to drop him off and in true Samoan style, we pulled up in front of the party house so that everyone there could see a car with a hamo family in it.  I even wanted the kids in the backseat to wind their windows down and wave out to their older brother as he walked up the driveway but got an “are you serious?” look from the hubby.   (Osty’s carseat would’ve been a good look I say….).

I accompanied Myah into the house and his friend’s family (parents and siblings) met us at the door.  They were an Italian family and they looked so normal – Mother was cooking in the kitchen, Father was helping his son put away presents as we entered.  As soon as I met them I felt so guilty at my earlier misguided view on other parents of high-school kids.  After chatting with them for a few minutes I learned that parents were most welcome to stay and hang out with them (tempting!) but my instincts were telling me that I had nothing to worry about.  All the kids were in the garage, music was pumping and they were all having a good time.  And yes, I took a look and scanned the tables but only saw fizzy drinks and snacks….. I ask myself: what were you hoping to find?

After our family night out, we picked up Myah from the party.  He had the best time – all the kids came to the front door to see him off and when we drove off,  he had such a content look on his face.  I felt so happy for him….everything was peachy.  Until yesterday.

The kids and I were driving around home when we saw a group of his classmates walking along the footpath.  Myah waved out and like the Samoan mother that I am, I took a quick look to scan each and every boy.  One of them was one of his closest friends John (not his real name).  An hour later while we were visiting a relative on the next street over, I noticed a group of teenage boys walking through the park carrying a box of alcohol.  While I was talking with my relative, my eye was on the window scanning the group but my vision was useless as I didn’t have my glasses on.  Straight away I started thinking that the group was Myah’s friends..and what the eff was a group of 13-year olds buying alcohol and walking around the street with it?  I was livid, I cut my visit short and gathered the kids into the car.   I was on a mission to try and catch up with that group because I NEEDED to confirm that it was indeed Myah’s friends and if it was……

We drove around the streets while I scanned left and right looking for the group.  The kids were asking who was I looking for and I was like…”ummm…nothing”.  A minute later, I saw them from afar.  So I rounded the corner to drive past them from the other direction.  As we got closer I took a good look at each one of them and realised that they were a bunch of young adults.  I felt like an idiot.  I felt like I needed I wind down my window and yell out “Im soooorrrryyyyy!”.

So there it is.  I am a crazy mother and if Im not careful, I will end up stalking my son’s friends.  I let Myah attend his first high-school birthday party and now I’m picturing all the things that could go wrong.  I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I have a teenage child and I have NO idea how I am going to get through the next few years if I am already a psycho in the early stages.  I don’t even stalk my husband like this so my poor son bears the brunt of my fear of something bad happening.

I welcome advice/comments from all my fellow Samoan parents of teenage kids.

The Lost Coconut is REALLY Lost right now…..

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2 thoughts on “THE SAMOAN MOTHER: The Stalker

  1. This is such a great account of your many first time teen moments with your son. Thank you for sharing! My dad (not so much my mum) was my chaffeur to every first time event right up til my senior year (argh bless him!) lol. But that made him so special. He even took it upon him self when I turned 18 when our seniors had parties to ask me if I wanted to have a few drinks? he’d buy me mudshakes (how far I’ve come from those haha!). Trust me you’ve done a magnificent job with raising a great young man and you’ll see he will continue to surprise your (paranoid) motherly thoughts. I look forward to reading more of your Samoan mother series. Have a great week Rita 🙂

  2. I loved this post – felt like I was there experiencing it not only from your shoes but also Myah’s shoes too. Clearly I don’t have kids but have definitely experienced first hand strict parenting – he might not appreciate your over protectiveness now, but he will one day look upon it with a smile and understanding. I think its a common thing between Mums and their sons (to think you get to relive this experience twice) but I’m pretty sure you are not alone and I’m sure this is only the first of many experiences to yet be lived out. I ❤ your adventures!

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