For the past few weeks, my 4yo son has been dealing with a bit of unfriendliness at daycare “Mummy they don’t let me play with them, I’m not allowed in their games…the boys tell me to stay out of their circle….” etc. The first few times this has happened I have just brushed it off to lil kiddie behaviour and I have to admit that my busy schedule has made me a bit of a hardnut when it comes to school dramas.
First of all, I am not one of those mamas who jump on every complaint that comes from the school playground. Because 1) I don’t have time to sort out classroom dramas 2) I prefer it when, after getting advice from me, my kids find the force within themselves to stand up to nastiness from their peers.
For example, my daughter in her first year at school came home with news that her friends told her she’s not allowed in their games at lunchtime. So I taught her what to say to them: One hand on the hip, the other hand waving left to right while clicking fingers, and say: “Your loss!” Execute a swift 180-degree turn, flick the ponytail and then walk off head-high, confident face and whatever you do DO NOT CRY! She has had to do this 3 times in the past few years and I can honestly say – it gives her a quick answer to any mean girls she comes across. And of course when she gets home we have our cuddle/cry-time (the trick is to cry when you get home girls).
Anyway – back to my boy. Things started to change a few days ago – we couldn’t find the gel one morning (he likes the astro-boy look) and when I told him never mind, we’ll find it later, he said “but mum my friends won’t like my hair” and now he wants to take his toys to daycare, probably in the hope that those boys will want to play with him. Now this got my attention. My boy Osty-Wosty is a little ball of confidence. He has his own style (according to him he only wears “cool clothes” ) and even has his own “gangsta-walk”, serious facials, one hand in pocket kind of walk. Seriously, in the supermarket he sits in the trolley with one leg up to look cool. But now he’s doing things to ‘please’ other people, and this doesn’t go down well with this mama.
This morning I dropped him off. I watched as he ran through the door and went straight to the circle of boys who were gathered round looking at toys. When one of them saw Osty coming, he put his hand out to Osty’s chest and said “no Osty you’re not allowed to play with us..go play with someone else” So Osty stood outside of their circle quietly watching them. After a while, he went to a nearby table, sat down and invited another boy to play blocks with him, so they sat there together and played. Watching him made me so proud, he didn’t crack a tantrum or even worse, say something nasty back. Then it hit me – he was so calm about it because this has been going on for a few weeks now that he has become accustomed to this treatment. This mama says “h-h-h-heeeelllll no to that!”
So I spoke with the head of school and this issue should be resolved pretty soon, I will expect that Osty’s teachers will keep an eye out for this bullying and put a stop to it – that’s all I can do for now. But just between you and me (and the worldwideweb) Im really hoping the bullying stops because if it doesn’t my husband is gonna tell those boys to tell their dads to meet at daycare next week for a ‘little talk’. Yep, let’s hope it’s resolved before the Samoan Dad comes out.
Ia manuia xx